So picture this … Yesterday morning, I was sitting with a client, talking about some of the things, both big and small, which get her down. She talked about how, working from home nowadays, she feels like she should be doing more on her breaks … she should be cleaning the bathroom, preparing for dinner, putting a load of washing on, or moving it to the washing line. When she doesn’t do all these things, and if, god forbid, she stops in one of her breaks and simply plays a video on her phone or sits looking out of her window, she feels incredibly ashamed about the amount of time that she has wasted, and berates herself for procrastinating.
Well I don’t know about you, but I could relate well to what she was saying. I could see myself in a dozen situations … when I start to feel what I call “Shouldistic”. I’m one of those people for example, who always thinks she should get up really early and go out for a 5km walk, or for a swim before work. I set my alarm. I wake up. I switch it off, switch the radio on so I can’t go back to sleep again and then lie there listening to my inner critic telling me that I absolutely should be up, that if I weren’t so lazy, I’d be on a bus by now, headed for a morning swim.
Well what I’ve come to realise after many years of this ridiculous morning routine, is that for me, it just doesn’t work. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits (you can listen to lots of different podcasts or videos which he and/or his devotees have put together on YouTube if you’re not interested in a book), talks among other things about our need to make a new habit that we are trying to adopt, attractive to us. We need to set ourselves up for success, rather than failure. So, I’m not saying here that I shouldn’t expect myself to go for a walk or for a swim because … research tells us that the value of exercise cannot be underestimated, but …
I have to face it. I’m much more of a night person, than a morning person. Yes, going for a walk is a fantastic idea, but … doing it at lunchtime or after work is much less painful for me, and still has the same benefit really, as doing it in the morning would. I’m a lot more likely to keep to my intention of doing it 4-5 times per week, than I am if I keep up the fight with myself about how good it would be to get it out of the way in the morning. For my client, whose shower seems to stare at her reproachfully every weekday when she hasn’t cleaned it? She’s going to be much happier if she accepts that for her, work breaks are not a great time for cleaning showers, and that if she takes 15 minutes out of her Sunday morning, and does it when she doesn’t feel so rushed, she won’t find it so stressful.
So, if you can relate to these situations … have a look at James Clear’s resources because there are a lot of other fantastic points that he makes, and as we all know, procrastination, and/or feeling stuck, is no fun. In the meantime, when you are faced with those shouldisms, use your knowledge and awareness of yourself to make things happen when you are most likely to have the time and the energy and remember that even a tiny step is still a movement towards where you want to be or what you want to be doing. Other people may have lots of ideas for you about how easy it is if you just do whatever it is that you need to at this time or another, but remember that you know what works for you, and when you’re likely to get the job done, or to stick to a new routine.