Three Lists which can help to get you "unstuck"

Recently, I have been reflecting on the grief which often goes unacknowledged in our community. I have been reminded in my counselling room of the way in which difficult emotions like anger, frustration, sadness and despair can be hard to express, often leaving us feeling unheard by those around us, and overwhelmed. At these times it can also become very difficult to work out which is the step that we need to take next to get ourselves back on track.

So, what do I mean by this? Well to quote the opening line of the book by Scott M. Peck The Road Less Travelled, "Life is difficult". It's a profound statement for me that one, because — often, it's very true. Sometimes we have things coming at us from all directions, and it can feel relentless. It might be that we are experiencing problems at work, have issues in our home lives, are having difficulty paying bills, and have friends who are going through hard times, for example. When we feel all these things pile up, it can then be very hard to fit in time for the things that generally sustain and calm us, never mind getting the day-to-day things done like cooking meals, overseeing homework or doing the washing.

I think it is also true that we can feel just as stuck when we are silenced by our feelings, and we don't feel able to reach out to those around us for support. At these times our inner critic is often very vocal, telling us all of the things that we "should" have done differently, and leaving us feeling like our lives are not progressing as we had thought that they would.

While this is a time for us to use our self-compassion and show ourselves some kindness, this week I also want to remind you of a strategy which I have talked about here before I know, but which I find useful in both of these situations.

Now to do this, you either need to be a lists person, or to try to be one, just to see if it works for you. So, I have three lists going here; one for Focus, one for Fun and one for Fulfilment; Focus, Fun Fulfil.

On the Focus list, are things that I need to do with regard to my work or business life. It might be updating my Facebook page, writing my next book (or blog post), or doing some online training. For you it could be updating your CV, applying for a new job, learning a language or a specific skill which will help you at work, or writing the minutes for a committee you volunteer on. The point is that it is a list, broken down into small sizeable chunks which you can then work towards completing.

On the Fun list, it is about just that; factoring in some fun in your life. The tasks on it might be things like sending a text to a friend to arrange a catch-up, going out for a night at the theatre with friends, going to a movie, spending time with your bestie, doing a jigsaw puzzle sitting down with a crossword or reading a book; whatever floats your particular boat.

Then on the Fulfil list, it's about doing things that keep us happy and healthy. They're not always fun things, but they are necessary. So, it might be taking a walk every day, cooking some healthy meals, doing the grocery shopping, bagging clothes to take to the Opshop, having that health-check that you've been meaning to have, making sure you are in bed for eight hours each night or going to the gym. We are all unique, and so are our lists.

Once you've got your lists together, the idea is that whether you are feeling stuck and like no one is noticing your pain, or whether you are feeling overwhelmed by too many things going on in your life, you make the effort to spend ten minutes per day on something from each list. Ten minutes is not insurmountable, but it does eventually get things done. Often it is the fun things which get scrapped when we are feeling down, but remember that we benefit from having joy and laughter and human connection in our lives. We benefit from doing things on the Fulfil and Focus lists too. If we have had enough sleep and have eaten a nourishing breakfast for example, we're better able to think up solutions for the problems which are arising for us at work. Try it out, and remember that as Robert Collier says: "Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out."