Social Anxiety is something that a lot of people feel but is not something easily talked about. It affects adults, teenagers, and even young children; it is, in fact, a very common mental health condition. Some studies suggest that it affects up to 13% of people at some stage in their lifetime.
There are plenty of resources available on helping to treat Social Anxiety. However, the point that I want to raise here is that although many people won't have a diagnosable disorder or require professional treatment for social anxiety, many of us can relate to having anxious feelings around social situations.
What does Social Anxiety look like?
Social anxiety is the fear many people experience when they find themselves in a situation where they have to be around and interact with other people. It's an innate fear that what we do or say will be judged by those around us. An easy example would be when you’re sitting in a circle in a group and are required to introduce yourself with something funny or something that no one knows about you. It's one of those times when I find myself drawing a blank as to what to say, or thinking that everyone else does this so much better than I do. It's the anxiety you experience when you host a party or cook dinner for people (I can remember thinking cooking for four people was a lot!), or when you're the new employee in the workplace, or when you need to stand up and do a presentation for the class.
For some people, Social Anxiety can be a challenging mental health condition that might even lead to social isolation. For others, it’s possible to get to the social situation, but still be feeling crippling anxiety, and walk away from it feeling absolutely exhausted.
How Can We Help Manage Social Anxiety?
The question then becomes, what can we do to help ourselves to manage these feelings or situations more effectively? How can we build up our comfort levels in these situations?
There are a few things you can do, both as you prepare for one of these situations, and when you are there.
1. Manage Your Breathing.
The first thing you can do is to be aware of slowing down your breath; notice as you breathe in, and then again as you breathe out. Contrary to popular belief, we actually cannot multitask. Our brains are programmed to focus on one thing at a time, and so although we think we are multitasking, we are in fact rapidly shifting our focus, jumping backward and forward between things. With some practice, you’ll be able to focus your attention on your breathing. It stands to reason that it will take your attention away from the anxiety, both as you prepare for the situation, and when you are in it. It will send signals to your brain that you are not distressed and your heart rate will slow down. There are a myriad of apps out there to help you practice focusing your attention on your breathing and slowing it down. You can do a simple search in your app store and give one a go.
2. Be Compassionate To Yourself
Can you relate to feeling anger and frustration with yourself when anxiety stops you from participating? You might be thinking things like, "You idiot. What did you say that for," or, "Why can't I just chat like those people do? There must be something wrong with me."
Although we all say those sorts of things to ourselves often, they aren’t really helpful. The good news is, you can learn not to judge yourself for the feelings that you are having, and learn to talk to yourself inside your own mind with the voice of a compassionate friend. It only takes practice, and it can make a huge difference. After all, would you say those things to a friend? You might try saying something like "I know you find this situation really hard, so I'm proud of you for having a go."
Another part of offering yourself self-compassion involves recognising that we are human; we're not meant to be perfect. In this situation, it might mean reminding ourselves that although we feel like we are the world's worst at socialising, many people feel the same way in this situation. Just take a look at all of the videos on YouTube - if there weren’t people out there with similar issues, they wouldn't get all the views that they do.
If it's a situation that requires small-talk like a party, you might also try to help yourself by thinking about the topics you might discuss, or how you might answer particular questions, before you go. If you know someone's going to ask, "What's new with you?" try to think up what you might respond with, and also what questions you might ask others. You might not always say things as you had planned but you will still be calmer, and it’s as easy as just a little bit of preparation time.
3. “This Too, Will Pass”
Above all, however, remember that every social situation will eventually end, whether we want to be there or not. It isn't terminal, and if you are a planner like me, it might feel more manageable if you go in with an exit plan and an idea of when you are planning on leaving. In these situations, I am reminded of an old friend of mine. When faced with a difficult situation, she would remind me of the old Buddhist saying, "this too, will pass".
Want some more ideas? I quite like this article from PsychCentral and the strategies that it describes for dealing with these situations and feelings.